Wednesday, January 10, 2018

progress, naps, impending doom, protest, and more progress

I had a productive evening of returning emails and trying to set up some shows for SPOUSE in the near, but not so near future. It reminded me of what my life was like eight years ago or more. I would split my time between music and translation work, occasionally working additional jobs, too. Anyway, it was a neat feeling. Just figured I should point that out to myself. Soon, I may be moving in to a studio space being vacated by my future pseudo brother-in-law. He's moving in to the space next door, which I think is bigger, and I'll, hopefully, finally have a place to set up my recording gear and be able to practice and record. Fingers crossed.

This afternoon, I was sitting at my computer, trying to work. I kept falling asleep (damn 'decaf' coffee). I decided to take a nap. I woke up about 30 or 40 minutes later, with this awful, overwhelming and negative feeling, like something really bad is about to happen in the world. I felt this same sort of 'impending doom' about two weeks before Hurricane Irma. That was such a giant, awful, pain of an experience. My husband was stuck in Ecuador at the time. My mother, our dogs, and I were stuck in Florida. I made a decision to prepare for both scenarios; getting stuck in Florida for several days, assuming the house would withstand the hurricane, or fleeing north. It was such a nerve wracking experience. A lot of responsibility, a lot of indecision; not knowing in which direction the hurricane was going to hit, receiving multiple phone calls and messages from friends and loved ones asking if we'd left yet or if we were going to survive. It was alarm and panic and ultimately, I made the decision to drive north. We almost ran out of gas, traffic was the worst, and we spent 7 days with my Republican uncle in Georgia, whose wife hated our dogs and who seemed genuinely bothered that we had to spend some time there. I don't think my uncle was all too comfortable either. It was really kind of them to host us, but, let's just say, I'm glad that is over. The one positive thing is that I got to see my cousins, whom I love and have always gotten along with and my mom got to spend some time with her brother. It was interesting to hear about my cousin's experiences and perspectives growing up in our extended family. Possibly for the first time in my life, I didn't feel like I was alone in that family.

Anyway, ya, I felt some weird thing this afternoon and I wasn't able to shake it. Something is on the horizon and it scares me. Last week I tweeted about how everyday I wake up and the first thing I do is check the news to make sure the orange demento hasn't initiated a nuclear war with North Korea. It's sad to have to think this way, but it is this sort of stress that has become part of my daily routine. Even several thousand miles south of the US, I'm experiencing traumatic stress.

I remember in 2004 when John Kerry lost the election because Ohio. (I still contend that there were massive voting irregularities that day, and the data seems to back me up.) I was so angry about the wars that had been initiated under false pretenses. I was, and am still certain that Dick Cheney is a man of no moral or ethical conscience. He's truly a sinister human being. I was able to channel my frustration into a track that almost made it onto Relocation Tactics. Alas, it only exists as a bonus track through the SPOUSE bandcamp site. This is the track I'm talking about...

Last year or the year before I remember being approached about contributing to a protest album, given the current administration and all the long-term damage they are perpetuating. I wasn't in a place to contribute because I just couldn't focus on it. Maybe I'll write something in the future, maybe I won't. Who knows.

Of course, talking about protest or political songs. I remember living in Maine while the then-recently passed gay marriage law was overturned in a special election/referendum. The Catholic Church of Maine spent about $4 million dollars lobbying against gay marriage that year. Fuck the arsehole in charge of that decision, and the sad little lambs who ended up voting against love, fairness, and compassion. I wrote about that when I got home from the event where hundreds of us were gathered together, watching the returns. Everyone in the room was devastated. It was just a vicious, cruel thing to experience. Thankfully, progress.